Has your adult child returned to the nest? Don’t lose sight of your own needs. These tips can allow you to help your adult child get back out on their own again without jeopardizing your own financial security.

One of the casualties of today’s economy is parents’ much-anticipated empty nest. “Susie can’t get a job after graduation and she’s coming back home until she gets on her feet.” It’s a refrain that is all too familiar across the U.S.

And it’s up to you and your spouse to shore up your defenses. On the line? Your own financial security and long-awaited plans for retirement.

Here are five steps that can allow you to help your boomerang kids create a more secure financial future while keeping yours intact.

Establish Firm Ground Rules

On one hand, you want to help your child. On the other, you need to keep an eye on your own wallet. You also want to empower your child and not contribute to their helplessness.

If your child is over 18 and returns home after moving out for a time, try to dispassionately assess their situation and your own, which can be difficult. However, if you want to reclaim your empty nest, it’s critical to lay down some important guidelines sooner rather than later:

1. Explain that in no uncertain terms have the rules changed.

They may be your child, but they are no longer a kid and you expect them to behave like the young adult they are. Whenever they were younger, it was fine for you to support all their financial needs. However, this is no longer the case.

They now need to pull their own weight in terms of contributing to the household, both financially and logistically, to whatever degree they can.

2. Encourage your child to get a college degree or vocational training.

One fact remains crystal clear: people with college degrees or a vocational certificate typically earn more than those with just a high school diploma, have a lower unemployment rate and often get work benefits, such as employer-sponsored health insurance and retirement plans.

If your child is entering college, take an active role in helping them select a course of study and degree choice. Make sure it is something marketable. Nursing – yes. History of basket weaving – no.

3. Make it clear that your child is expected to work – either at a job, finding a job or educating themselves to get a job.

Even if your child can’t get their dream job now, they should look for some kind of job to pay for their own expenses, including gas, entertainment, etc. If your child is employed but wants to live at home because they have student loans, help them make a savings plan, as well as a payment plan, for the debt. Giving the gift of a financial plan will save you money in the long run.

Related: 10 Reasons To Kick Your Adult Children Out of the Home

4. Outline what your child will do to fulfill their responsibilities and what you will do to hold them to it.

Make sure you have a timeline for how long you expect them to be with you. Perhaps part of the plan can stipulate that for a certain amount of time, perhaps six months or so, you will help them financially, but after that, any money spent on their behalf will be considered a loan.

It may sound harsh, but this might motivate your child to think with more clarity and speed about what they need to do to grow their wings and fly the coop. In addition, if it’s structured properly, it could benefit both of you on your taxes. Consult your tax provider for more details.

5. Remind your child that they are expected to be a productive and helpful household member.

They should wash their own dishes and clean up after themselves, do their own laundry, help with other chores whenever possible, and abide by any other rules you set.

It’s Time To Think About Your Future

Enforcing all the rules may not be easy, but it’s necessary. Naturally, you want to help your child but remember not to lose sight of your own needs, especially in a stressed economy.

You and your spouse have put your children ahead of yourselves for years; it’s not a good idea to do this any longer. It could put a strain on your current budget, or worse, postpone the retirement that you’ve been looking forward to for so long.

Related Articles

• Bailing Out Your Adult Kids Financially
• When Your Adult Kid Wants To Borrow Money
• What To Know Before Co-Signing a Student Loan

Reviewed January 2024

About the Author

Marina Goodman, CFP and investment strategist with Brinton Eaton. Based in Madison, NJ, Brinton Eaton is a national wealth advisory firm with a long history of serving individuals and their families across multiple generations. The firm helps its clients protect, grow, administer, and ultimately transfer their legacy of wealth through a full range of integrated services, including lifetime cash flow projections, financial/tax/estate/retirement planning, investment management, charitable giving, and business succession planning. Brinton Eaton’s clients tend to be corporate executives, professionals, entrepreneurs, retirees, and multi-generational families.